In my “wellness experimenting”, I’ve started to notice that the keys to improving my wellness have been less about external or physical factors, and more about what’s sitting right between my own ears. In discovering more about myself, I’ve begun to gain an understanding of how living well (r) manifests itself. I’ve found with personal growth comes a kind of wellness that only learning about oneself can instill.
Lately, the topic of Ennegram Tests has been popping up all over my Instagram stories and blasting across my podcast radio waves. If I hear “I’m a 4!” one more time, I’ll smack that darn 4 upside the head, or just learn about the test to see what it is for myself. For $12 I took the Riso-Hudson
Enneagram Type Indicator Test from the Enneagram Institute. There’s plenty of free tests across the web to take, but if I was going to do this, I wanted to do it right. (You can find the Enneagram Test I took here).
To say I was prepared for the truth-bomb the results would provide is a completely false statement. While reading the results, I felt a strange sense wash over me, like this book was written by my own hand in third person. Each result reading more like an “a-ha” moment, delivered with clarity, rather than introducing something completely foreign. The test connected dots that I had been struggling to force together.
My top 3 Personality Types (as named by the Enneagram Test)
- Achiever (3)
- Enthusiast (7)
- Helper (2)
But Courtney, what do these words mean?
In broad terms, the test told me I was goal-oriented, ambitious and into performance. I’m excitable, spontaneous, optimistic, eager, outgoing, future-oriented and adventurous. I can be thoughtful, appreciative, generous and a well-intentioned people-pleaser.
But then I dug a little deeper:
Yes, I can be excessively driven and competitive. I tend to turn myself up (or down) depending on the environment rather than be 100 % sincere. The desire to be my best self overrides all else. In short, I do what it takes to shine.
While energetic, and ambitious, I never want to come across in any way that would be disapproved of by others. I want want to put my best foot forward and present myself in a way that highlights energy & confidence.
In social settings, I want to be “appropriate” and tend to adapt and exemplify the values of whatever group I’m in. I do feel a sense of pressure to be outstanding in all I do which quite honestly can feel intense and super draining. I find it difficult to stop or rest- I’d rather die than fail. Does anyone else give themselves this ultimatum?
In my attempts to do my best, I convince myself and others that I have no problems and that I’m always doing well, even when I feel depressed or burnt out. I feel this constant inner pressure to have it all together, avoiding feelings of shame or isolation. Will people still support me if I’m down or depressed? My growth entails allowing these feelings to come to the surface while still moving forward.
I want my friends, family and most importantly my fiancé to be proud of me and my accomplishments. My fears of potential rejection can prevent me from letting people get too close. By trying to present a favorable image, I’m afraid it can just as easily fall away or that I can’t maintain the high expectations I set. Typically very little keeps me down for long, but when I feel like I can’t live up to these standards, I lose my energy and enthusiasm. Usually this is where I try to “just get through” things and become passive. I want people to give me space. If this clicks with you, you may be a 3 too, but more importantly this means that your growth entails pausing while working on projects and actively checking in on your own feelings. Taking time to pause in my busy day and connect with those I care about reconnects me. I need to appreciate silence and solitude.
I’m always striving to become the sort of person that I believe others will look up to and convince myself that I must always be outstanding, superb and exceptional- the best of whatever I’m focusing on. To be any less than this is to fail. Does anyone else feel like it’s your duty to entertain others and to keep your environment positive and exciting? When I’m tired of being “on” for everyone, I choose to withdraw and seek seclusion. In these moments, retreating from contact and attempting to restore my energy is what’s needed.
In truth I can be distracted and restless. Anyone else?
Can anyone truly be enthusiastic, extroverted, outgoing, spontaneous and upbeat ALL the time? If you can, please keep it to yourself, or I may start to spiral..
I seek variety and constant experience.
My mind can be completely restless and filled with ideas and plans for activities to look forward to. When my restlessness increases, I begin to fear missing out on other pleasures or experiences. I throw myself into constant activity- into endless busyness. I flee from my inner anxiety by engaging in more distractions and activities. Hello, why sit here in anxiety, when I can book a flight to a beach…. I enjoy life most when I feel stimulated, awake and refreshed by life’s amazing diversity. This means I am often seeking constant stimulation as a way of distracting myself from my anxiety. However, if I keep anticipating these future experiences, I miss the out present ones.
I desire to feel love and connect with others in a heartfelt way. I am people-oriented and love to meaningfully engage with others. All I want is for good things to happen to people! I throw myself into this effort, heart and soul.
I can be sensitive, so if I doubt that people “like” me then I will redouble my efforts all-over-again to win them over. I will find a way to relate to these people like it’s my full time job. I literally won’t stop until they regard me as their best friend. Want to really irk me? Leave me out of any social situation.What’s the saying? “You may be the ripest, juiciest peach, but there will still be someone who doesn’t like peaches.” Preach it to me sista!
That’s my Enneagram Rabbit Hole. I swear this test revealed so much about my motives and just made sense. I share this because with a deep heartfelt sincerity, it explains me. Honestly, simply and authentically.
Cheers to learning more about ourselves & Living Wellr!